Aku tak lupe kot, mase darjah 3, aku pnah cakap kat opah, aku tanak kawen. Opah punye la marah. Opah kate pompan mane leh ckp cenggitu. Tak sopan. Aparra, aku ckp. Kawen cam byk masalah je. And aku repeat statement yg same bile aku Form 3.

Opah ni bukan jenis yang suke bagi nasihat. Ecelli, tak banyak nasihat pon selain pujian-pujian aku ni comel (ehem) dan beli aku macam-macam jenis makanan. Sebut pasal makanan ni la, opah ni rajin masak.

Mase aku darjah 3 tu la, time tu raye rasenye, kitorang adik-bradik slalu tido kat hall depan TV tu. Umah opah tak le beso sgt. Kalo tido tu, mmg berhimpit tahap ikan sardin dlm tin. Dan area tu mmg byk nyamuk, slalu biar je mosquito coil tu menyala memalam.

Dah jadik kebiasaan aku ni jenis burung hantu. Malam-malam time org dok membuta, time tok duk dengkur sume, aku bangun berpikir sorang-sorang. Pikir kosong je, takde isi pon. Tapi biase la, pastu perut pon mintak makanan.

Opah punye keje setiap kali raye ialah memasak. Penuh la dapo tu ngan makanan. Yang slalu opah prepare ialah laksa my feveret. Then kuih-kuih raye cam kuih bakar tu ade macam-macam perisa. Bukan main lg.

Then lepas melantak laksa tu, aku sapu la skali kuih-kuih bakar. Siap bawak sepinggan duk seblah sambil baring-baring. Time tu dok berangan, ape lg la yg lebih sedap dari kuih bakar opah kat umah ni?

Mase tu jugak la terpikir.. sape la yang akan continue buat kuih bakar ni bile opah dah takde? Ops! Takotnye. Mate aku dah berair dah time tu. Tu baru pk je. Blom btol-btol jadik lagi. Opah pon duk sehat segar bugar lagi.

Then tak lame pon.. slowly opah dah tak byk berjalan. Bile kaki dah start sakit, opah dah kurangkan memasak. Berdiri lame-lame kat dapo tu, opah tak larat dah.

In fact mase aku kat Itali dulu, opah nak tengok Alisha je. 

Last year je. Tak lame sgt pon. Time tu mak kate opah sgt sakit. Tapi bile aku call opah, opah kate jangan risau le, sume org ade situ leh jage opah. "Kamu jage je suami ngan anak kamu bebaik. Bile ade rezeki nanti balik la sini, opah nak tgk cicit."

Aku ingat lg ayat opah tu. Ecelli ayat tu la yg banyak mengurangkan kerisauan aku dengan conditions dia time tu, at least kalo aku tau dia dijaga dgn baik oleh mak or sesape, aku takde la risau sgt. Aku jauh kat Itali tu, aku tatau lagi bile bleh balik.

But actually bile aku dah balik Msia pon.. aku berpindah-randah gak ikut suami. Dapat jumpe opah 3 kali je.

Tapi aku hepi opah dapat gak tgk cicit ngan suami aku skali. Dah lame sgt opah nak tgk dorang.

Cume masalahnye skang. Hari ni opah dah takde. And I still can't believe it. o_o

Slalu kalo aku call mak pon, opah punye topik akan termasuk skali dlm kitorang punye chit-chat. Pasni kitorang takde lagi dah topik pasal opah.

Rase cam baru semlm je aku ade kat Itali, dok risau mase mak bitau yang opah masuk spital pasal sakit teruk.

But actually it has been one year. And one year is actually a VERY short time. 

Been busy the whole year. Keje la, anak la, duit la, memacam. Keeping in mind je yang opah tu sakit, but lupe tros the kemungkinan yang dia akan pegi tak lame lg...

Lupe tros the things I wanted to tell her if I'd ever have some time alone with her. The last time I talked to her, she was already feeling drowsy and the only thing she was focusing on is that my mom's cooking didn't meet her expectations. And that she could cook better than my mom does, but "Aku dah tak larat dah nak masak lelame kat dapo tu, kalo tak dah lame aku masak je sendiri."

I still can't believe it. Waking up this morning to know that my grandma is actually gone. And ACTUALLY she had been very sick for a year. And a year is supposed to be a very long time for a person to be prepared to accept that kind of fact but, why does it seem like only yesterday?

So actually a year is still such a short time. We will never be ready to let go of someone u know u care so much of. Given that I don't have any regrets now that she's gone, wonder org lain yg ade wat bende tak senonoh kat opah tu, ape agaknye rase dorang skang?

I guess my type takleh keje kat spital le.. nanti tiap-tiap ari tgk the patients I take care of one by one passing away, I nanges je tiap-tiap ari. Yang mati eksiden tu lak camne? Arini dok sembang-sembang ngan kite lagi, tetibe besok dah takde?

Starting this morning je dah takleh dah. Tak sedey pon pasal kehilangan opah. One thing for sure I'm relieved she doesn't have to suffer the pain anymore kan. But mate ni dok nanges jugak. Nape? Nak fokus makan nasik lemak ni pon takleh.

Mmg tak sedey. More like nanges psl terkejut kot. Rase so sudden even when my brain knows that she was feeling bad for a long time already. So takyah la, I should have known already kan. Mmg terkejut la... psl tgk je gamba kat atas tu, rase cam baru semlm je amik. Opah dah sakit dah time tu. Tapi tgn dia masih bleh dukung Alisha. Nak timang tinggi-tinggi pon takleh psl kang patah lak tgn org tua tu. Alisha tu kan bambam budaknye.

But still, the fact that life is too short menyebabkan aku nanges arini. I'm scared. Tak suke tgk the ppl I know, one by one leaving me. I'll never be ready for that.

My husband's grandma pon sakit skang.. hopefully tanak ade surprise baru sementare aku blom get over this one.. last aku ckp ngan dia pon xmas aritu... kat webcam je..

Takpe la. Maybe aku sorang je yang pikir dalam-dalam psl bende ni. Agaknye kalo otak aku dok bekerje kat bende lain, aku akan cool down kot.